MacLehose was once the soul of this site, now I have ditched him.I could see his tears coming out, coz' he asked the weather to show me.
A couple of days before, I proved one more theory: Do not Rush. It works for all things I have seen. Never get yourself too excited, too nervous on something... or you'll probably get a bad ending...
Seems I have lost my beat on everything. The Sunny-last-Christmas was way stronger than the one recently. This's what I feel. I really don't want to lose the darker side, but it happens. I was fearless, nothing was restricted me, it's just I couldn't let go of my bright side... It always attracts people, because you will feel much more relax once you can really put everything down. No one knows the result. I won't get another try for now... It's exhausted, turning me crazy for the recovery, spiritual battles and explode your mind into two.
About the writing stuff, it is a failure again...
A busy life turn me lost in beat, I wish I could just.... do something with it. Cloudy with heavy
rain these days, it will be Sunny right?
27th: Another Day has gone
Saint-Saens No.3 finale has blocked my way to achieve the Scottish Fantasy, I wanted to throw the score out of the window but I didn't, just a tiny little bit to finish...
This is a week that few of my friends have to really burn up all their fuels. For the lovely one who's not feeling quite well, has to attack the school's crazy tests and extra-classes. Fully support... only if I can help... For my new friend who's gonna take the DipABRSM this Friday, good luck!!! I haven't listened to your playing, yet it would be fine.
I wish I can have time to star reorganize my life. It could be
dangerous somehow, that's why I wanna leave it to sometime later, after I am fully revived. Thoughts and feels are flashing to me, there is always unknown factors turning things not right. I want to know how and why, I have to know. I hope you can let me think of it later; I also hope another you to help me deal with it if you exist.
28th :Another Another Day has gone
Everything is really not going right!
Not at school, not at violin, not at me!
I wanna poke myself with a 5-inches sharp knife!
I wanna self-destruct for another 5 days!
I wanna forget all the things and turn back to 5!
May I jump off from 25 floor and say goodbye to everything?
May I let go of everything and do what I did last Christmas?
May I ask for signals?
When is it now?
What is left to duel with?
Are there tons of homework and pieces to practice?
How to make everything more efficient?
Competition is everything...
I hate time
It never goes right with me.
I am the loser
Time is the controller...
What have I done recently?
I really can't think of anything...
Like splitting myself into two extreme characters
Killing myself by the mind-explosion
Once again,
I couldn't think,
I couldn't rest...
Once again,
I lost,
I gave up...
Is this my new lifestyle?
To disappear for couple of weeks every season?
I don't wanna think about it
I am the ugliest fire in my heart out of the world
It doesn't go out
Never...
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