Middle of the exam. (2)

What I learnt from American History X, isn't how Edward Norton quit his life of standing against the black. For me, I find out how difficult it is to forgive others, at least to stop the mind of revenge. The way he killed two blacks was quite horrible but I feel quite natural, there is no exaggerate. The film also tells you that what your past could greatly affect you, and let you analysis what kind of person are you. Are you being like Derek that would never listen to others and stand strong until you had a really hard lesson? Or you would like to be Danny that would quickly change his mind to the right path before serious trouble?

After you realize what kind of person are you, then? I find myself unchanged somehow, after watching many many touching or meaningful film, then? So? Maybe this is nature, that you can never change, or get use to another lifestyle. We let Hannibal returns his nature, and how about ourselves? We do, and we do not. Sometimes we feel like something is wrong, but we will still do it. Why? Nature.

Another film from Norton, Illusionist, also remains me some feels. I was totally trapped in his circle, I wonder why, and I really like the story line. Then I wonder how people lie to each other, or simply hide their instant feeling and say something which doesn't mean anything. People act, not just actors do. We act, in this reality, in the circumstance that everyone have their own masks. We will put up our own masks. Only those we called Insane, they will never hide the real face, though sometimes they will coz' they are good at it. But the thing is everyone want others truth, but they would like to hide something and don't let them know. This is how the word Privacy creates.

I am in depress. Disappointing to myself that I have to write in this corner, that I have to show the face in this corner. It is not that I don't want to show the real emotions, not that I don't want to talk about my feelings and thoughts. It just that the environment and timing not allow. And most importantly, the response of my listener I concern about. The way I present myself maybe one of my weakness. And the point-of-view of the listener is also different. Better person to talk about should be someone not involved in any ways, and of course a more reliable and conscious person. But they are more of less the same. Sometimes I feel like I have a normal ways of thoughts in something, and sometimes not.

Now, if you ask me how I feel right now.
I would say...
I am angry, depress
I am release, controlled
I am pissed, I am calm
...

Everyone would have two sounds inside his head, yes and no.
For those who have extreme two-sided personalities or more.
Those sounds are more clear, and more annoying.
That's what I am experiencing, I believe.