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Every once in a while I sat on my bed, wondering how well my day was. It could be an imagination of exaggerated achievements, day-dream with a confusion starting but ends with a grand perfect cadence. It works great to insomnia if you suffer from great mental pressures. No chemical reaction, just a little arrogant. This kind of short bedtime story has been practiced very often over years, almost unconsciously. It becomes the sleeping pills of mine.

Without this kind of imagination, my life would be entirely changed. I could hardly imagine how it trashes my life and tears my body into two ends, I don't feel good in this case after all.

The subject is then slowly changed from absolute day-dreaming to making real life planning. This sleeping pill works in both ways, it could also lead to insomnia accidentally. I could spend the rest of the night, constructing the aims and the ways until I was satisfied.

To do or not to do, that will be the question... of tomorrow..

It could be a nightmare that won't last long, Freddy is waiting you to sleep so he can have a big meal. In short, you don't want to sleep even if you can. Since your mind keep yourself in black mood. You are afraid of bad dreams maybe. Maybe it's because you can't set the story ends peacefully; or you can't finish your dream work planning satisfyingly; or you just had a terrifying illusion, even you know it couldn't be true, theoretically unacceptable with scientific evidence. 

Mostly, it's just that you have a bad mood.

Someone says weather is related to us. Apparently it narrow our activities, or even dreams. In this case, it is the tone color of us. When the expired date of our little earth getting closer, with these numerous occurrence of hazards. It's not difficult to know my inner world, but it could be hard to predict. 

Mostly, it's just that you have already found someone you really care about, something very little being magnified.

Or when you are worrying if someone would give you a call, telling you about some shocking news that nearly stop your heartbeat for quite a few seconds. You will start to try this sleeping pills, but seldom not. You should be overloaded to have a over 160 beats in one minute. Yeah, I guess I have this while just sitting on my bed. Maybe it's the waves spread from my phone that affects the result, probably.

Mostly, you might get doubt on something that cause too much fiction. You feel yourself couldn't hold this much longer anymore. With anger being the gasoline, doubt and depression could cause explosion at anytime.

But then,

It is actually a good thing to have this kind of troubles, you find yourself enlightened somehow. Just don't be too arrogant.  A calm down passage would help at always.

Back to the last real trip on hiking, it was about a year and a half. Quite a bit silly for that. When you calm yourself with a glass of clean diluted water, patiently flash back your life from latest to oldest. Look forward to the detail in each picture, capture what you wanted to express that time. If you are not sure, calm yourself even more, feel again...

When you keep starring at the darkness far away, you feel lost, that's where the darkness is looking at you. How you feel the darkness alone, is exactly reflected of how lonely you are. How you feel the darkness awful, means how you hate yourself. And how you are afraid of darkness and how much you wish to hide yourself out of darkness, could also reflect how much you are afraid of loneliness and how much you want to escape from this reality. Theoretically correct from my opinion, without any scientific proves.

You trust someone close to you

This stands quite strong for me, and I think most of all absolutely agree with this. What turns out to me is the fact that it has the diagram of a mountain shape curve. There is a peak that you are 100% trust to someone not the closest to you. Strange. It could happen between mother and son. It depends. I believe the statement itself is absolutely correct, it's how we crashed our societies by breaking this kind of statements so widely.

We should work hard on how to change back the attitude back to normal and healthy

I have been talking about dark and light for a year at least. What I can observe is I couldn't really transform myself back to 100% sunshine like before, I guess it is what they called life experience. I thought I am so lucky to survive under this battle field, I hope I could stop people from entering their own mind war. Surprisingly my recovery had lead to a problem, maybe it was me that lead to the war II really to start. I hope I could stop... 

Life experiences is a single-man self-improvement, no one can get involved.

I know you can do it!