20th January
Days without MacLehose is a piece of crap
It could be a surprise or disaster
No matter good or bad
Things are all evolving in super speed
Days without MacLehose let me stop and think
With more and more deep thinking
I get lost
I couldn't sleep
I couldn't concentrate
I couldn't have the
exam
coz' once a bug is acting inside my 16MB memory stick
I have to solve it
or I can't continue my life
Days without MacLehose gives my a lesson

To rediscover that I've never known myself well
Days without MacLehose changes things up side down
To lost my control of unconscious and conscious feels
I changed in a sudden
Days without MacLehose recall me back to nature
I miss that feel
I nearly could touch it but I didn't...
Days without MacLehose sucks
coz' I could release my pressure
like adding one more drop of oil in the problems in Christmas
Fire goes on
Shows also go on
I must go back there

For some reason, I addicted to MacLehose
I left the nature for months and I have to gain back my feel on that
Something more
I realized something couple of days before
that I could feel happy right away
that I felt really comfortable with
that I felt free with
that I trusted
that I lost cabin control
But then
I started thinking again
Another bug is inside my 17MB memory stick
I lost
so once again
I couldn't sleep
I was spending my nights and exams on thinking what should I do
Spending my life thinking those components
Spending my life thinking my feels
At night
I lost control
I made up my mind suddenly
and I slept
What the...
I woke up at mid-night and I couldn't sleep again
and until now, I still can't concentrate
My life is learning these messed up things, wasting my power and time
I just can't control
coz' I still have hopes
No one knows the result after all
I have to try it
5th January
I didn't die
Congratulation
To be honest, nothing solved, nothing happened
I could feel the tiredness over the whole month
I want to sleep
Someone controlled my emotion all the time
I slept, I found dreams all about one thing
I gathered hints, I looked for reasons and meanings
I want to quit, I don't want to quit
I try to let go but I can't
Although my separated personalities got rid
I doesn't flush it, I controls it
It will be useful sometimes
After a year
I got nothing, I gained nothing
Is it only a waste of time to hope for?
Is it never to be completed?
Is it because the curse?
I could have given up already
But my dream had told me that I shouldn't
I have decided, I have to trust my dream, trust myself
I should go on... and I have to wait
Be patient and not being aggressive
coz' it might ruin everything
Exam is coming, this should stop for a while
Nothing solved, Nothing happened
Maybe I should wait, after the curse's deadline
I will be free again
But I gotta tell you
I can once again Feel
I gained one more personality
Had one more lesson
Less things to fear; Less things to hope
coz' fact is fact, it's no fear and no hope
if you don't want unnecessary depression...
22nd December
Just got over to my last hope
which took me half day to find
It's worth
but it doesn't solve right away
coz' this is too complicated
and only me could solve this disaster
I've been seeing many things
seems I've forgot tons of stuffs I did
I am regret
I have to face
There is someone who seems understanding me
Thanks him
I am having a tiny support
I have to fight with this half-life
I wanna die, fighting
No fear of anything
I wanna learn, let go
It took me months to recover last time
It took me more for this time
I've made up my mind a bit
I wish to make up my mind in whole
After some hours of resting
I should go fighting
Demand for a chance
Everything must have to be ready
Thanks for another person
I am starting to get it
If you are thinking what I am thinking
Time may help
21st December (morning)
I couldn't sleep... 20th December
Exhausted after a rest
Powerless after a meal
I thought I might miss something
I am sure I did something wrong
I didn't know
I forgot
This two months is trying to kill me
I am dying
I am still lost
I have no energy
Still enjoying bad things after surrender
I couldn't forget
I couldn't fight
Should I avoid?
Should I leave?
Should I go back?
What else I could do?
In this second, after a whole week
Nothing solve
Nothing happen
I am waiting for nothing
Writing for nothing
In this second, I am still thinking
The imagine is in my heart
The voice is bordering
The words are annoying
After one hour and one hour Squash
I burnt up my energy
I burnt up my anger of anything
Those upsetting stuffs turn to sweat that flows off from my skin
Now, I feel powerless
I feel stress again
I feel a rebuilding anger
I feel exhausted
I feel mess up
I lost totally, I surrender
I have lost my entire life's theory, none of them works
I couldn't think, I couldn't predict
coz' all things go in a hurry and I couldn't catch
I am waiting, I have been upset
I've lost myself, I am sleeping, over and over
Time goes fast in the morning, and THAT holds time at night
I couldn't sleep well maybe, I always dream
I am exhausted, of this crazy stuff
I am insane, stepping away to this world
I found the exist of Him, coz' He led me to this
Things seem to get flatter, but my heart hurts me more
I can't figure it out why, it might just some kind of tricks from my mind
What is this?
I don't get this
If this is a dream, please wake me
I am waiting
For something, or nothing
I have no target, I have no hints
People, laugh at me as loud as you want
coz' I am tired and have no power for this war
I will enjoy this
What normal people will be upset about, cry about, suicide about
I have been to
I have chosen to live
I have chosen to be insane person
That's what I am
What I belong to
Until the day when the sun climbs up with its natural shine
When I have totally recovered and forget about this
I will bring sunshine to people
Bring those happiest memories
Just wait and pray
If I am lucky, or if He forgives me... ...
14th December
Down to be a human or even a devil, it nearly couldn't see a spot of light
Those reversed theories keep bordering one's mind
They damaged the original lifestyle, created another side of extreme
Negative powers are attractive and powerful, they are observable
Whether Positive or Negative wins, no one knows
The fact is that their wars cause great depressions inside the mind
What comes right today, what turns wrong tomorrow
Perspectives of everything change every seconds
It's a war inside the mind that never stop
It is starting to lost control
Two extremes start to separate a person into two
There is no rules, no responsibilities, no entertainment, no concentration, no life
Only meditation, deep thinking and endless spiritual wars
The cause of the war was the death of one person
The cause of the war was the hidden family, friends and personal problems
If only Negative Thoughts wasn't the way to solve those problems,
there will not have this bigger problem
How embarrassing
How to stop this
Who will win the battle
Who support which side
Who knows the result
Who can help
When does it stop
Which theory stands, which does not
What is the way now
What comes next
Shall I find someone?
Who knows me well?
Was I asleep?
Is this only a time track for me to watch this movie?
What I come to realize is that there is someone I couldn't ditch
I really really care about
It's affecting me
It's encouraging the wars
It's killing me
How to let go?
How to forget this?
This should be the greatest bet
If there is god exist, He should be angry with me about what I've done so long
So if this is a punishment, He has already done it successfully, please stop
If there is fairies exist, goblins must be around me. As I always do trust on you
What I would do next
No one knows why
I can't explain
It might be a failure or it might success
It is only important that things wouldn't come over again
Whatever happens to me,
He is not the Sunny you've known
He is only a crap
He is not he was
He is dangerous
He is sorry for those innocents
but He is gone
But please bless me for this, Please
















