4

In august I met August, a boy with nothing similar to me I thought. We had spent an afternoon together, and I was being an easy man as always. We talked, shared and explored our mind.

Seems familiar

One reason why I put the numbers for the title is that I started to replay my life by checkpoints instead of events which are separated, because sooner or later you would find yourself in a cycle that never end. Something like three years a cycle, just like generation gap.

I looked back and see how people around me would comment on this Sunny. How much they know me and trust me. But this act is like a lab. researching living creatures in space, you would want to know, yet you don't want to face. Like the numbers of convenient store in my neighborhood, it's just too much.

As if I conclude now, I say, the more the person knows me, the more the person hates me, the less the person trust me. Maybe I am just the kind of people you would like to be friend with, you would like what I act, but not what I think. Partly because I am as normal as anyone you can meet, and partly because I was being how you would like me to be at the very beginning.

Now, I would stop saying that I won't let people down. I have to think if having people trusted is a good thing, because even me, I don't trust myself quite well.

Days by days I am running myself quite automatically, like some procedures, like Top Gear show everyday 10am and 12:30am, like traveling to work on this bus every Wednesday. When you in look this way, every laugh and tear became reactions, some results and answers. It's the same thing that when I was young, I saw the warnings in the computer and I thought it would get angry and punish me. It is the same thing I could feel now. Whether this kind of reaction is actually me, or it is just a habit of mine

3

It is like leaving clues for detectors, evidence you need for keep tacking of your life. Like a timeline on the internet, you was born, then you joined twitter or myface or what so ever, you life then start. It started to make sense when you look around your neighbor, you live in a big circle, nothing won't change you one bit.

Even me, the face-to-face communication feels to me lack of comfort. Result is so simple, you write what you think. Because only by this way, people could react after they read the whole thing, that makes me feel safe.

Few months ago, I found someone with an interesting mind I adored. A indifferent mind that works by its own way, the beautiful mind I described it. After that, I realized that I was wrong, and that I felt like I was lying to myself, I am a story teller. After that short while, I thought my doubt was totally wrong. It worked in cycles. Repeating even now.

The second hell, 2012, 19 years old, diploma at school, Poème, Tzigane, Noah, church, Korea, MTR, everywhere I went, everything I saw, reminded me the hell I went through, and the hell I am living in. Not a single day you can take a break, you just can't get out from it. Months past, so what?

Soon I found myself a total failure. Once I thought the smarter I get, the better I live. I wanted to think more and deeper, my plan clearer and far, my mind more open, more aspects to things. I was special, people sometime were amazed by my mind, someone like my way of life, someone would share secrets with me, problems were waiting for me to solve. I was a master, I adored myself, admired my incredible mind.

Now, I become a story teller. Whether if it's right or wrong, only if I like, I have an ability to move your mind one bit. I could easily advice any patient, easily talk to people and often gain their trusts, easily become anything you might like.

This is me, this is hell

A life which I can't judge. A theory that could create by my tongue. A thought that is unstable and unreal. I am confused and lost. The brain swimming in the sea, far away from home.

A side effect of thinking too much
A beautiful mind
See also
A complicated mind

And I met some people(I don't want to disclose anybody, actually I don't want to disclose myself if it isn't necessary), they are quite different to me between one another. They have taught me a lot. I would like to say thank you.

One major philosophy I have now, is that I don't want to change people anymore. Partly because people should have their way to things, partly because I have no idea which is better way anymore. I am no longer the guy knows everything, I am a total failure.

A quick look back

1) Trip to Long Kee under the fire ball
2) Trip through MLT 2 with Shawn and Tim
3) Judo with Timothy, Nelson and Vincent
4) I bought my own 2nd hand road bike!