Revival of the first hell in 2008

For a year and so, I am back in a point.

For five years and so, I am back in a point.

Let me try to explain myself by the things happened recently. By the beginning of August, things started to go quite a lot crazy than usual. Which then I thought it was a good idea to go out for a bit of inspiration, and went on a week of journey, without my families and most of my friends' knowing. I tried my very best to open my heart, to feel the world with this sort of insecurity. Of course also the most treasurous time with my best buddy, the sincerest talk every night. Then I got shot by serious electric current, came from somebody's eyes... Those were like machine guns from everywhere, until I finally went down and black out...

I had two questions in mind. One is why girls here in Japan are so different from those in Hong Kong and two, why I don't speak any of the Japanese...

Before I woke up, I realized that we had spent all the money. Which put me back in Hong Kong. Immediately I dislike being here, this pace and problems just make me sick. After I landed here, all problems arrived. I didn't feel like being home, or anywhere near it. What I imagined was a battlefield, what I heard was noise. Complicated, impatient, chaos.

Then I said I wanted to get simple.

Then there was a fight.

Then the following days were my busy workloads, sports, and Internet. All of these consumed quite a lot of my energy, but sadly they didn't fill up any of my emptiness. Why would I feel empty? Why I need to forget something in my head? What are they?

Then there were dreams. Blood and hardcore, guns and explosion, bad things which looked normal. inside my dream. All of them were different in any aspect, but I treated them as one, and I could hardly distinguish them from reality. Yes, they all looked absurd and really I could tell they are dreams, but what I am trying to say is, even I woke up, I didn't feel quite alive or feeling safe.

Then there was a reaction. In the film "Snatch", they say there is always a reaction following. In my case, it's quite unusual, but then I knew some new female friends. Reason for that is very simple, I just want to let go. Sometimes I am just too afraid to be alone and what someone to talk to, and I easily get panic because of that.

With all of the pieces above, I see myself a disgusting person. Still, for most of you might have no idea what I am talking about, and some of you don't think it's any big deal. But for me, what I thought I did was making sense and fighting against my dark side. But what I am actually doing is lying to myself, blinding myself not to see the things I hate. 

What I don't want is to hurt anyone. But my lies are hurting people around me.

Ōsaka

24 hours, all by myself in this whole new place. Although I didn't understand any of the words and language of them, my appearance almost fitted inside the locals. The result then was simple, I didn't understand any of it.

If I didn't do this, I won't be able to leave you alone. This is the best time to let you totally free, so you can make a better conclusion. It hurts and I am frightened, so I went to a temple.

For your information, goddess of snake. And even though I am not supposed to, I did all young generation would do. Now I am poor.

Hōkoku Shrine

I really like you a lot, but I don't know what to do

Here is my loneliest, most dangerous, craziest adventure.

If you see me

Second spring of my life. You became the light of mine.

Everyone has his back side story, how things had happened please don't mind.

Though years of time, all of us change.

But I looked through your eye, all remain the same.

Was I stupid? Was I pathetic?

Or was I making up all this to cause myself headache?

I am dark, I am dirty.

But I have a dream so to make myself shiny.

Not brave, still coward,

The result doesn't show any of my hard work.

But the problems of my life I must have to face,

so that I can feel how sunny really taste.

So I can feel the warm and joy,

after my poor life was destroyed.

If being with me is simple and happy,

it is how you like yourself to be, not because of me.

If you feel the world is full of dirt and dust,

please remember at least a man with love you can trust.

Like the pile of rocks in the novel Choke,

the heart of these weakers could easily broke.

But this little world we create, could be anything,

if you just read the book.

Many mountains, many trees,

Many flowers attract bees.

Colorful fantasy, dizzy bliss,

I won't dare to even seek.

I am no teacher, nor philosopher,

I am just like anyone else who suffer.

What's important to me,

What's important to you

Fairy will listen the answer at night,

please make the wish and let its bless with you