Across the hell you've been to, and get back to the world you are familiar with. For the second you think that you are okay again, you are lying.
How long does it take to ruin one person? Not long.
How long does it take for one to get back his life? Long.
I do mean VERY long.
One practical tips on music: When you want to bring a real desperate sadness, that is emptiness you have to do. Not much expression you need, for real. No thick or deep bottom sound. No wide, slow or warm vibrato. Just bring death, a dead sound that comes right inside your broken heart. That will do perfectly. It does have one draw back, people won't like it. People don't like real sickness or tasting dead silence, they just enjoy them when they know it's just story and when they are prepared. Other words, Hollywood stuffs.
When you look into the darkness, be warned that it also looks inside you.
I repeated this over and over again while I was walking myself along the sideway in Ping Chao. That moment I really gave my best shot to understand myself and to look for any solution I can do, I was looking deep into the total darkness blinded in front of me. That was the biggest black thing I've ever seen, it was surrounding you, capturing you and dragging you. I was honestly quite afraid and cold, but I couldn't cry or do anything that can help, I just stood there. At night, by no body, at a total strange place.
Choking is the way for Victor to capture people's attention, care and love. What's mine?
I could finally find a place to be comfortable with for one night, at the Paper Street Soup Company. This old friend is exactly how I met last time, last summer or Christmas, I forgot. He is such a self-centered guy, almost nothing could destroy him, as long as he doesn't care. For the second I could recognize this, I found myself doing things entirely on the other side. I am suffering because I won't let anything go. I suffer because I actually caring something.
I am wondering if my insane will let him sees things more clear. If my sickness will let him lives more brighter. If my weakness let him be stronger. If my failure makes him a hero.
God, if You are blessing, why this? And if You are not, what do I have to do? When is it going to stop?
I didn't step in the church for like a whole month. I cleared my statistic and once again started to observe christians around me, from the parents to students, from the family to friends. From the priest with powerful and moving words, to the colleagues with annoying criticism and no responsible. Then I give a little conclusion at this situation. Until now, I could see this religion blinds plenty of us. This could be the biggest lie or comfort to most of us. The easiest way to due with our problems, is just wrapping them on nicely and we can still live with them. A nicer way to look at disaster. A nicer way to judge an ass-hole. Saying anything nicely. Explaining supernatural in the term of Christianity. What is the difference?
What just happened?
It just happened.