A proof of growing up

Life seems to be a cycle of events that happen repeatedly again and again, but the changes in between compose who you are. The lost of innocence comes as a side effect with a proof to grow up; the longer you live, the deeper you go. I am always a weak and coward boy as how I would describe myself, though it's not really abnormal to say so coz' I am sure there are many other my-kind-of men outside. But the time slowly forced myself to different situations that I must have to move on, even though I usually fucked up most of them and feel bad afterwards. Life has to go on. Through these years I have seen myself changing a lot; by the things I saw, the places I went and the people I met. I started to hate writing them down nor remembering my feeling to things, because I couldn't feel anything from them, I couldn't sense anything that I would like keeping as a memory. But why?

Since that moment, probably quite obvious, when I began being unsure about things and feelings, I made up my mind to try seeing through things rather than sharing them. I liked to understand more and care less, probably this won't lead to become a better man, maybe even further.

I wouldn't say I was wasting myself really, I was just having a life. This life was quite different and strange, contained anger and hate, chaos and pain. But then, now it comes to a point when I look back, nothing change at all, people are living the same. We have all been there.

Looking back my previous stories, I probably went through many unnecessary moments and shit everywhere. The last thing I want to do is to make things right from the very worst. The stronger I have to be to really not getting in the mistake I took before, and the responsible I need to take.


Maybe this is like a baby talk, might even be a confession not worth mentioning. But to me it's a point that I need to talk to myself, make a move maybe.

I am always serious about my life;
I need some time to adjust to new things.

I am no good painter, but my painting speaks when the feeling is so strong.